Thank you for the validation. I do know that many feel such pain in using sub-standard tools for the job. For me personally it’s led to a gradual development of mental and body blockage where I know what needs to be done, but my mind refuses to process the task and my body would rather stare blankly at the screen for hours. This experience was also had by a YouTuber I follow, who was eventually diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and prescribed Aderall which unblocked her. I followed similarly and my psychiatrist prescribed Ritalin which has similarly helped.
At first this blockage I experienced would only apply to tasks I didn’t want to do, like programming in MATLAB. But it gradually intensified and spread to things I didn’t want to do. My psychologist identified it as executive dysfunction.
So while my prescribed medication helps, it helps for only unblocking me. The emotionally negative experience persists so I’ve been focusing on that next.
I perceive my expressions of my trait of wanting to use better tools to come across as a negative personality trait of frustration, impatience, negativity, which are unhealthy and undesirable. And I imagine a pain to my colleagues “Oh he’s complaining again.”
On misophonia, I also apparently have hyperacuity. When driving, the repetitive sound and flashing light of the dashboatd blinker for turning bothers me. The windscreen wiper bothers me. I have many barking dogs in my neighborhood that bother me while working from home which is supposed to be my opportunity to continue working while recharging my social battery for the next time I attend work. And it’s not these things that bother me, it’s the fact that my body and mind is naturally deeply disturbed by these things that bothers me. My psychologist has been helping me through this and other things. And I’m aware of other people on the internet who have similar experiences.
My workplace is actually quite fine for remaining focused. It’s actually sometimes more difficult working from home for neighbourhood noise reasons. Thank you for the concern about having an appropriate workplace environment.
This forum helps me with my desire for Julia usage. I also follow others who relate to my neurodivergence symptoms. A blessing of the internet.